Accepting Loneliness
It was only until during this year when I finally admitted to feeling alone. I couldn’t fully describe the emptiness, the invisibility, but I tried my best to be vulnerable. Having to tell my family about how I started talking to a counselor was the toughest part.
I started my self-help journey back in April. The week of my birthday to be exact. I was frustrated and just wanted to celebrate in peace. Just days before my birthday weekend, I realized I needed professional help. I was lost and helpless.
As I grow older, I have felt all of my relationships changing. I’m aware that I’m changing. My priorities are shifting and that is perfectly natural. I shouldn’t believe I’m being selfish for putting my well-being first. Friendships don’t always last forever like they try to make it seem in fiction. Family isn’t everything either. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve drifted apart from anyone until much later on.
For example, I had childhood friends who I thought would have grown up with me. We made time to see each other up until our early 20s. The conversations we shared over text became shorter and way less frequent.
I know many of us have been told it’s easy to make new connections. Then comes the suggestions on activities to try. First off, loneliness is different for everyone. Shallow solutions aren’t guaranteed to fix everything.
Moving away from California was eye-opening. Other family members had also shown their true colors. It was heartbreaking to find out they voted for Trump multiple times. I don’t want to be associated with them ever again.
I’m not forcing anyone to stay. I’m tired of all the nonsense and drama. Being a people pleaser for so long affected me. I used to always feel guilty for setting boundaries. I felt pressured to be on everyone’s good side. I’m not a terrible person for saying no. I’m not a failure if I’m lonely. I’m not pushing the emotion away anymore. I need to accept it.